Figured out something

I have finally figured out why I have trouble getting over stuff. The key to moving on? Very simple. I had to WANT to get over it.

duh.

Lyrics of my favorite song of the moment

If I fell
Remake by Evan Rachel Wood
Across the Universe Soundtrack
***Video at bottom of post***

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you

If I fell in love with you

That something...

Both my sisters and a friend of mine are all in great relationships. They aren't perfect, and they don't always understand each other, but they are in love and they work at it. I figured up last night that I haven't been in that kind of love in at least a decade. Things went wrong in my marriage very early and I discovered he wasn't the man I thought he was. I've been lonely all this time. I guess I give up too easily. I've met great people, I have great friends, I've fallen for a couple of people. But I just can't get that back from someone I can return it to. It has to be both ways. I have found it one way and the other, but not both ways. It either wasn't or couldn't be.

Then I wonder, am I destined to always be alone? Maybe I'm just not meant to have someone of my own. I want it. I want a relationship with that something special that makes both of you do your best to overcome anything that comes up. I don't really believe in one someone for everyone. I believe there may be multiple someones, but you have to find them at the right time and the right place in your lives. I'm ready. I'm not perfect, but I am so ready to give love and receive it in return.

On a lighter note, here is the picture of my new tattoo.