Listening to Music

I’m standing on a bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening but there’s no sound

Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?
It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I…I’m with you
I’m with you

I thought I would have someone by now. All these years wasted. All that time lost. I’m a single mom. I’ve become my mother. I’m not unhappy. I just miss something. Something I can’t quite put my finger on.

I’m looking for a place
I’m searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cause nothing’s going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?
It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I…I’m with you
I’m with you

I’m looking for someone like me. I’m a mess. I don’t fit in. Is there anyone I can fit with? In a crowded room, if you don’t fit in…

…you are still alone.

Oh why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I’m just out of my mind

Alone

Ok, I know a lot of people live alone for years and enjoy it. My mother for one. I hate being alone. I feel like I've been alone for years. I spent ten years in an extremely lonely marriage. Even when he was physically there I was alone. He couldn't connect with me and I don't think he even cared too.

I know it hasn't been that long since I split with him. And I'm really in no hurry to actually live with someone again. I just want to find someone I can really connect with. Someone to talk to and see sometimes. You know?

Figured out something

I have finally figured out why I have trouble getting over stuff. The key to moving on? Very simple. I had to WANT to get over it.

duh.

Lyrics of my favorite song of the moment

If I fell
Remake by Evan Rachel Wood
Across the Universe Soundtrack
***Video at bottom of post***

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you

If I fell in love with you

That something...

Both my sisters and a friend of mine are all in great relationships. They aren't perfect, and they don't always understand each other, but they are in love and they work at it. I figured up last night that I haven't been in that kind of love in at least a decade. Things went wrong in my marriage very early and I discovered he wasn't the man I thought he was. I've been lonely all this time. I guess I give up too easily. I've met great people, I have great friends, I've fallen for a couple of people. But I just can't get that back from someone I can return it to. It has to be both ways. I have found it one way and the other, but not both ways. It either wasn't or couldn't be.

Then I wonder, am I destined to always be alone? Maybe I'm just not meant to have someone of my own. I want it. I want a relationship with that something special that makes both of you do your best to overcome anything that comes up. I don't really believe in one someone for everyone. I believe there may be multiple someones, but you have to find them at the right time and the right place in your lives. I'm ready. I'm not perfect, but I am so ready to give love and receive it in return.

On a lighter note, here is the picture of my new tattoo.

Keeping to myself

Something new I'm trying. Keeping things to myself. I'm still happy, imagine that. I'm also still getting over this flu bug or whatever. I just don't have the energy I normally have and I still have a stupid cough. It isn't all the time, just every now and then I get started and can't stop. I stayed up way too late Sunday and Monday night, that didn't help, but last night and Tuesday night I slept good and long. I want to start working out again, I was doing it pretty regularly when I got sick. I just haven't quite had the energy yet.

So that's an update of sorts. This weekend I'm going to rest, get stuff put in storage that hasn't been yet, and try to pick up on the working out again. :)

I'm happy.

Seriously. I'm so freaking happy right now, and I probably shouldn't be. Nothing much has changed. But I'm so freaking happy. I feel really good inside, all settled and peaceful. It might not last, but right now I'm happy. And that's what matters for the moment. :)

That's all.

The One Where I Drink Vodka

Last week I realized that I had a serious drinking problem.


I was totally out of vodka and broke. :(

This week, I bought vodka.


Hence, no more problem. :)

:)

Bubbly
By Colbie Caillat

Will you count me in?

I've been awake for a while now.
You've got me feelin like a child now
Cause every time i see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes i always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

The rain is fallin on my window pane
But we are hidin in a safer place
Under the covers stayin safe and warm
You give me feelins that i adore

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

What am i gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmmmmmmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
Im comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time
Holdin me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go


CodesAndLyrics.com

She Seems Happy

T really seems excited and happy about moving to Maryland with her dad. I know she doesn't like sharing me with B and friends, and my life. I was always there for her and the last four years I've been pulled away a little more each year. She isn't used to him being there a lot. So maybe him there a little is enough? I don't know.

It's breaking my heart. I keep thinking of things I need to tell her. Stupid stuff, like make sure you change your razor regularly. And I need to get her a better facial cleanser, show her how to use it. I keep forgetting her dad isn't a monster to her like he is to me.

I have by no means been a perfect mom to her. I've done my best. I have regrets. I didn't take the time I should have with her. She frustrates me so much I just couldn't deal with her sometimes. Maybe it's better she goes to her Dad. My heart has been through so much the last couple of years. I don't think it can take another hit.

The song in this commercial makes me sigh...

Very me...

Clumsy
By Fergie

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

First time
That I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm

[Chorus:]
You got me tripping, stumbling, flipping, fumbling
Clumsy cause I'm falling in love
You got me slipping, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cause I'm falling in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

Can't breath
When you touch my sleeve
Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm
Whoa now, think I'm going down
Friends don't know whats with me, mmm mmm

[Chorus]

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and a
A girl like me don't stay single for long
Cause everytime a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

[Chorus]

So in love with you
So in love with you




CodesAndLyrics.com

New Year Horoscope

You may be feeling simultaneously nostalgic and anxious. On one hand, you enjoy the holidays as a chance to indulge your senses, but on the other hand you're eager for them to be over so things can settle back down to normal. There's no need to rush into the New Year. Your routines will return before you know it.

I almost died today...

So, I was driving along Cross Park Dr. this evening and glanced at the clock. When I glanced back up the SUV in front of me was stopped, and very close. Maybe one car length away. I hit the break and swerve aiming for the curb and small uphill embankment on my right. My car goes over the embankment barely missing two saplings, and stops in the parking lot like nothing happened. I get out, partly to calm down, partly to walk around and make sure nothing is dangling off under my car. That's when I started laughing slightly hysterically. Other than a mini-coronary and some strange looks from other drivers, everything was fine. I know if I had hit the SUV I would have totalled my car. Scared the hell out of me!

Too cute for words...

Interesting pictures

All pictures were found at news.yahoo.com/featured.

Yes, that is a real hand. This croc ripped the forearm off the veternarian at a zoo.


These tiny froglets hatch out as frogs instead of tadpoles. Aren't they cute?


Tiniest living premie. This baby spent four months in the hospital before going home.

A siberian lynx. I just liked the way he looked.

VS