A Nice Spring

We are having a very nice spring/beginning of summer here in East Tennessee. Last year was way too hot and dry. We've had plenty of rain so far this year. It's nice, seems more normal.

I had a filling done yesterday, only my third ever. And I think I had a mini-panic attack. The dentist was giving me the shots and I felt like I could't breathe and my heart was going beserk. I motioned to him and told him, but then calmed down. He said I was probably holding my breath and not realizing it or something. But I knew. It was a mini-panic attack. The third one I've had in the last month, only worse than the first two and I didn't think of them as panic attacks, just nervousness. I've never had one before. I guess it's a good thing I've been slowly calming my life and cutting back on stress lately anyway. I think maybe I've taken all I can take.

Today

Today I took Brianna to my mom's. She lives downtown, which is finally becoming more than the homeless hangout it has been for a long time. We even have a movie theater downtown now. So I walked downtown, had a little lunch and went to see Indiana Jones. Fucking awesome. I'm in love with Harrison Ford all over again. ;) He was my very first crush. I was five. After the movie I walked to the square, picked up a couple small pots of sweet basil and italian oregano for my little potted garden on the balcony.

After getting Brianna we went to Home Depot for a few extra clay pots, and I picked up some rosemary and the prettiest little purple petunias you've ever seen. They are so small! I didn't know they had petunias so small. We popped in the grocery store for a couple things and came home. Later Brianna is going to paint on her play table we keep on the balcony while I repot the new plants.

A very nice beginning to a three day weekend. :)

Full Circle

I have come full circle and now I am back to being alone most of the time. Obviously I'm not alone at work, there are four of us in the office. And I have Brianna with me at home, but being with a child is different. I'm talking about adult companionship.

And I figured something out. I'm always trying to get people to do stuff with me. I keep asking and asking and asking because if I don't, I'm forgotten. Even my own sisters. I'm not doing it anymore. I'll just get used to doing stuff alone. I saw Iron Man alone on my birthday. Last Saturday I saw Made of Honor alone, very cute. Next Saturday I'm going to see Indiana Jones alone. I thought about taking Brianna to that one, but she was too restless in Speed Racer last week and I don't wanna miss any of it.

So here I am again, doing stuff alone. I hate doing stuff alone.