I have so much to say here, and yet so much I can't say. I feel like I've been living in a cave for nine years. I was going through some old stuff last night and came across a journal I was keeping in 1999. Most of what I put in those are stuff about the kids. But there were also my own personal thoughts. I came across one entry that I could have written six months ago. The same worries, the same problems, the same insecurities. Seven years of the same exact problems? They went away for a while a few years ago. Or maybe I just deceived myself into believing things were better for a short time. Right now I have two goals.
1. Get out of debt.
2. Go back to school.
It's a two year degree I'm going back for, although I may be able to finish it in a year and a half because I already have credit for some of the basic stuff from when I went before. So where will I be two years from now? I suppose I'll just have to be patient until I find out.
6 comments:
I wish you strength and peace kat.
You have a beautiful soul and I wish you the happiness and peace you deserve.
tc
I ditto TC's comment, and also want to add that unlike the previous journal entry you can jot daown "I am trying now" and MEAN it hole heartedly.
You are a sensible woman, and you were most likely doing what every mom does and putting herself last. Nothing wrong with that. But now it is your turn, and you know that.
Good luck with everything, and I am sure you will make some luck of your own.
I know that I am not where I thought I would be... in 1999 I was working on my music so much that I couldn't see past that...
I am pretty happy with where I am now... but do wonder what might have been...
I just caught your pic some posts below. I just love your smile!
As for this one, wow my friend! You are indeed brave. Only thing I can offer is follow your gut, what lies deep within your heart. No matter how scary the path, or what your heart may be telling you, take the leap and follow the path meant for you. Only then will you find happiness as that inner compass is all we truly have! If ever you need to vent, you know where to find me!
And may your wishes, all of them, come true!
Sometimes goals like that have to take time to 'cure' or 'age' like cheese and wine. Stay strong! Your inner light is always shining.
Go go go, Kat! You will get there! Anything you want, it's already there in your near future within your grasp...because you want it so, you'll make it so. May take a little time and a lot of fretting, but I'll just bet the ride is worth it.
GG x
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