Myself

Lost and alone
    Searching
     Needing
   Wanting
A shoulder to lean on

Tired and confused
    Wishing
     Hoping
   Waiting
For a hand to hold

Strong and Independent
    Learning
     Working
   Striving
To be happy with myself 

Pictures

Here are a few pictures from T's birthday two weeks ago.







The blonde/pink wig that goes with a silver costume and microphone. She's going to be a rock star for Halloween.



Yummy.

Oh yeah,

Chris started his Amorlia sequel. Go check it out, but first go to the next post and watch my baby playing.

Finally unloaded my camera

Pictures coming soon, probably a few each day. :)

Disney on Ice, wishes, runny noses, and foot surgery

It was a great show, the girls had a great time. All the Princesses were there and Tinkerbell came out between all the different stories. The dragon from Sleeping Beauty spouted real fire onto the ice just before the Prince defeated her. The show was all about wishes coming true.

What do you wish for?


In other news, the girls have colds. T has moved to the coughing-up-a-lung-every-night phase but B just started showing signs of it, so she only has a runny nose.


I made a B on my PC Hardware test today. I don't know what I made on my English test from Monday yet. We have a sub for two weeks. The teacher injured her foot last week and had to have surgery today. Poor thing will be in a wheel chair for a few weeks when she does get back. I miss her. Our sub is annoying.

Things are better

Sort of, I think, in a way, for now at least.

I know, I know, I'm one dramatic mess after another.

But you guys are just awesome. All the comments really felt good, new comers too!

On the other hand, I still won't be around much for a bit, but only because things are a little busy right now. I need to get T's birthday pictures transferred and post a few. Plus tomorrow we are going to Disney on Ice, so I'll have pictures from that. It's a Disney Princess show, and supposed to have Tinkerbell there too! *ahem* The girls are really looking forward to it. ;) I'm going to dress B in last years Halloween Tinkerbell costume if it still fits, and T has picked out a dress she wants to wear with one her princess tiaras. The few actual costumes we have are too little for her now.

I also need to get B's costume for this year finished so I can take pictures of the two of them to send with Halloween cards. I'll post some here as soon as I get to it.

So things are a bit better, but busier.

Oh, and hubs got a job in Maryland. He has been on a contract job in North Carolina, the Maryland job is a permanent job, not contract. He went up there this weekend to look at a room for rent he found on roommates.com. He wants us to move up there, but things just aren't right at the moment. Between him and me as well as with my school and everything else. So for the moment the girls and I are here, and he's there. I really don't want to move. I love my house, and I love Tennessee. This is my home. But we are just going to wait and see what happens.

Still haven't come up with a sign off. Although someone did suggest "May your day be free of imbeciles." Thats a good one. I was hoping to get several suggestions and pick/chose/mix/be inspired by the combination. Well, I'll try to make it around to everyone's blog and post pictures here sooner or later.

Didn't think it was possible

Things just went from bad to worse. And I can't post about it. Probably wont' be here much for a while. Just wanted to let everyone know.

Long-Ass Weekend

Ok, so I have a long weekend this weekend because T doesn't have school tomorrow. So, three days of both kids and no fucking breaks. I'm angry and frustrated for various reasons, none of which I shall put here. I just need to vent, and I can't and it's really, really, really frustrating!

I'm tired. I'm lonely. And I really can't do anything about it right now. I'm kind of tired of people saying, "just go out". Well, umm... even if I could get a baby sitter, I really don't have anyone to go out with. And I'm not really comfortable going out alone. How's this for ironic, the Loner wants friends and has no idea how to go about getting some.

And I mean real friends, not cyber friends because everyone knows online friends aren't real friends.
****If you cannot read the dripping sarcasm in that, you are at the wrong blog.****

One of the poems we studied

Cups of Jade
Author unknown

Where the lotus pool
Is fragrant with flowers,
We drank our last farewell
From cups of jade.

You thought I shunned you
When I, quickly turning,
Hid my face from you,
And would not look again.

Ah!
Being but a man,
How could you know, beloved,
That it was to wipe
The scalding tears away?


~The really neat thing about this poem is that it was written in the Tang Dynasty. But it still makes sense today. I fell in love with it the first time I read it.

School

I haven't mentioned it lately, but school is going good. Two quizzes in the computer class I'm in, awesome grades: 27/30 and 22/20. Yeah, I'm that good. ;) My English class is as good. A couple of small assignments 14/15 on one and a 5/5. My first test is coming up tomorrow in English, it's on poetry. Cross your fingers for me! I understand poetry so much more than I did just a month ago. There are a couple of pieces we have studied that I really liked, I'll share them sometime this week. My first computer test is next Monday (classes only on Monday and Wednesday for both). I have a web class too. It's an incredibly way-back-beginner-why-do-I-need-this-course computer class. If it were an actual class I would fall asleep. lol. It's going fine too.

Well, go read the next post because I posted twice tonight. yeah, I was that bored.

New Season of Shows!

My first premiere tonight! NCIS. Gibbs, the old boss is gone (or is he?), DiNozzo the goofball/womanizer is in charge at the moment, (and a hottie). Ziva is in trouble, again. Abby, the gothic tech from downstairs is hyped up on caffeine as always. Probie isn't the probie anymore, a new girl is.

It's a good show.

Lurking

I was going through my regular blogs and it occurred to me that I do a bit of lurking. You know, reading blogs and not commenting. Now I don't think there are any blogs I go to that I have never commented on, but there are quite a few that I only comment on occasionally. So I started wondering, do I have lurkers? Are there those of you out there that come and read, possibly even enjoy, but never comment? Are you shy, or just don't want to bother with a blogger sign on? Let's have a delurking moment, everyone comment! Or, if you don't have or want a blogger sign on, then go to my profile page and email me.

Happy Birthday Baby!

**update ~ the video below is in T's honor. She loves Hilary Duff.

Today my oldest turns NINE! My fall baby. I went into the hospital to have her and it was soooooooo hot, but when we came out three days later there was just the faintest nip of fall in the air. I wanted to have pictures of her as a baby here, but my scanner broke a while back, and we didn't get a digital camera until she was six, so I just picked some random pics of T.



Becoming a big sister, January 2004


Disney world May 2004.

Field day May 2006 with one of her best friends. (look how long her hair was! But she refused ponytails.)

This past summer, being silly. :)

The making of a card

This is the picture I found for the front of my Halloween card. I know it's more fallish than Halloween, but I couldn't find anything else I liked. I wanted to credit the artist, but the site was foreign and I couldn't figure out a name.

I wrote a cutsie Halloween poem to go in it too, I'll probably put it up later, get opinions before I send them out to family.



I need to get the girl's pictures taken in their costumes to put in the cards. I don't do that every year, but I might this year. I need to see how long it will take to get them back first, I haven't even started on B's costume, and I'm making it (well, buying sweats and decorating it I should say). I might just take them somewhere fallish, take pictures myself and order wallets from Kodak, they will get here in just a few days. Now that I type it, that sounds like a fantastic idea. hehe. I'll post those too when I get them. :)

Oh, and I'm inspired by Xmichra's new sign off "peace, kittens, and rainbows" to come up with my own sign off. Any suggestions?

The butt, I mean but...

Yeah, so I several people have asked about the last post. It was a big argument with hubs after school, and before me finding time to post that burst my happy bubble. I'm better today, except for this ginormous sinus headache. I took little B (who woke up dry and used the potty again!) and went for some errands and shopping for T's birthday, which is Sunday. Nine is a very hard age! She isn't really old enough for some stuff, but she doesn't really play with toys anymore. I picked out awesome stuff though, I'll blog about it next week, with pictures of course. :)

Well, I had good news. I was feeling better. Little B has been dry all day using the potty. I did well on the two papers I turned into English last week. And I also did pretty good on a quiz in my computer class. I was really happy for a few hours.

More lists

Anne had this on her blog, she didn't tag anyone, but I didn't have anything else to say.

Things that scare me.
1. bugs
2. being in total darkness
3. being alone too much

People who make me laugh.
1. My girls
2. Bubbles
3. my blogger buddies

Things I hate most.
1. Liars
2. Mean people
3. bugs

Things I don't understand.
1. Liars
2. Mean people
3. Life

Things I'm doing right now.
1. Making this list.
2. Watching Alias
3. Wishing I had someone to talk to right now.

Things I want to do before I die.
1. Travel to England, Scotland, France, and maybe Italy.
2. Fix my house and yard up like I imagine it.
3. Be in love with someone who can love me in return.

Things I can do.
1. write (as in stories and occasional poems)
2. mix a good strong screwdriver
3. Cross-stitch and quilt rather well.

Ways to describe my personality.
1. snarky
2. vivacious
3. sweet :)

Things I can't do.
1. Lie to someone I care about.
2. draw
3. be mean to animals

Things I think you should listen to.
1. Music, all kinds, whatever you like.
2. A cat purr
3. A mountain stream

Things you should never listen to.
1. known liars
2. Marilyn Manson
3. salesmen

Things I'd like to learn.
1. How to speak french
2. How to play piano
3. How to sing well

Favorite foods.
1. Chocolate fudge cake
2. Pizza
3. hamburgers

Beverages I drink regularly.
1. Pepsi
2. sweet tea
3. screwdrivers


Shows I watched as a kid.
1. Wonder Woman
2. Bugs Bunny
3. The Dukes of Hazzard

Another of Xmichra's awesome tags

So Xmichra has tagged me. It’s supposed to be 8 Facts/Things/Habits about me. I then, am supposed to tag 6 people. They will be at the bottom.

1. I hate it when people wear their shoes in my house. Take them off at the door please, that's what the foyer bench is for.

2. I'm totally addicted to Alias right now. I just started on Season three.

3. Sometimes I give up hope of happiness, but then something brings it back.

4. I act like a mean-ass bitch, but I'm really very tender hearted and get hurt too easy.

5. I hate root beer.

6. I'm loving school.

7. I have no idea where my life is heading.

8. Sometimes it's lonely being me.

I tag:

Bubbles
Anne
Tanya
Good Girl
Rae Ann
The Real Kidd

Drunken post

I am drunkish. Yep. I am. I am watching Alias, season 2 disk 4. I have no idea what to say here. Hubs is here for the weekend. The long holiday weekend. Tonight was Boomsday in Knoxville. Big thingy all day long. Big fireworks at the end. I hate it. Too many people. And we all know about people. They are like slinkys. Mostly useless, but fun to push down stairs. lmao.


Ok, so where the hell is everyone? Nobody blogs anymore and those that do don't blog much. But a few blog as much as always, and that's nice. I don't blog as much as I used to, which sucks. But sometimes I don't know what to say and sometimes all I have to say can't be said. *sigh*


So what am I drinking? Anyone? I bet someone knows. Screwdrivers. lol. My second one. I had three shots of Smirnoff twist of orange vodka too. Yep, THREE. But they were small. Very small. But so am I! hehe.


I have new jammies. I bought them today. The pants are cropped and black with tinkerbells on them. The top is a tank. Grey with tink. It says "believe in magic". Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I believe in the impossible. Sometimes I don't believe in anything.

And what does all that have to do with the price of tea in China??? Not a fucking thing. I'm drunk and I don't have anyone to talk to so I'm rambling. Ok, I could talk to hubs, but he's not drunk, he doesn't drink, how fun is that? Ok, so I'm off here because I say too much and I might say more, which would be way too much. So, I'll say nothing more. At all. And leave so much unsaid.

Kids

Looking at my oldest's schoolwork she brought home to keep, I came across a page with ten sentences on it. Below that was disections of who/what and what is/what happened. It was the sentences that cracked me up. It was apparently about summer vacation, here they are word for word, same spelling.


1. I went to DC.
2. I had a fun time.
3. I went to Hershey.
4. I got the new choclate kissables.
5. We went on a tour.
6. We brought my aunt along.
7. We went to New York.
8. We bought some T-shirts.
9. We slept in a castle shaped hotel.
10. We met my moms blog friend.