I fell the other night. I was going down the stairs and my foot just slipped out from under me. I fell straight down and the middle of my back hit the stair, hard. It knocked the breath out of me and I felt myself slide down a few more stairs but couldn't react. Then I just laid there a minute until I could breathe again. Then all I could think was that I needed a new shirt. The mostly empty cup of tea I had in my hand spilled on me. Then I realized I had hit the back of my head too. I don't remember hitting it, but it hurt. My back was fine. Not even a bruise.
Sitting there on the stairs, I suddenly realized I had never felt more alone in my life as I did at that moment.
I know I haven't said much about my husband being overseas. I worry about him, and where he is. I want him to be safe and come back in one piece. But to be honest we have been emotionally separated for a very long time. I am lonely and I have been for years.
I usually stay quiet about stuff like this. I hold it in. But I'm tired of holding it in. So here it is. Out in cyberspace for anyone to see.
16 comments:
It's hard to be alone with kids. If anything happens to you...who will take care of them? My husband is gone 95% of the time and I always have that fear in the back of my mind that I will get hurt or really sick and have no one to help me. I live in East TN, too...just south of Knoxville.
Do you have any close friends or family nearby to help you should something like this (or worse) happens?
I do have two sisters and a very good friend as well as my mother. And my oldest is big enough to know how to call for help.
Kat I'm glad to read you are alright and no damage done. Falling is always scarier after you have had time to think about it isn't it?. I hope you & the hubbs can some how rekindle your love for one another. :-) Life is to short to be alone without love from a companion.
Wow. At first instinct I just want to buy a plane ticket and take you for coffee.
Maybe this space can serve you on a higher level now that you have aired this information. Maybe now that you have started to confess... you can start to mend.
We are all here for you girl. Take care of yourself.
Dont you always tell me that thats what this place is for? To vent and to let it all out? You give good advice ya know..
Im glad that your fall wasnt serious..
I echo xmichra. It is hard to say but the fact that it is out could signal the beginning to much healing. I truly hope it all works out between the two of you and am so glad to hear you are ok!
A fellow Tennessean! I like! ;)
I was married to a man in the air force for 3 years. Out of our marriage I saw him Mabye a little over a year of our marriage. He had a one year tour in Korea. I knew before he left that we were not going to last. We were so emotionally seperated by that point. We didn't have kids.
It is tough... and sometimes... even through writing... it is great to let it out. No shame in that at all!
BTW... thanks for visiting my blog "My Music Highway"... hope to see you back real soon! ;)
I'm so glad to know that you have family/friends nearby! I was worried about you.
You guys are so sweet. And Anne, you're right, I need to take my own advice and not hold stuff in. I feel a little better already. :)
Kat, on Sunday 3/26, I finally posted my version to that Country questions post you made on 3/22. I added another 10 to round it up to and even 50.
...I had fun with it.
...Looking forward to your comments on it.
I'm glad to see you are okay - physically - from your fall. I did the same thing last summer on concrete steps. I broke a rib! It took 5 weeks to get back to normal. I'm so glad you were spared that.
I like what Anne said. This is something I have only done since August but it's a great place just to let it all out:-}
Glad you are ok!
kat, I hope you're okay. I can relate to the glimpses of those feelings that you let out. It's okay to talk about the hard things. We're all here and supportive of you.
{{{HUGS}}}
ok...so the falling on the steps thing is still funny. I know you are lonely and we have talked about it extensively so I will leave it at that.
I hated the feeling of being alone when my husband was deployed. I was a Navy wife for 10 years and thankfully we only had two deployments - one 6mth one 4mth.
Blogging is good for letting feelings out, thoughts, vents, rants, etc. You may feel better to get all that out. Kinda like therapy!
I hope you aren't tooo sore after the fall and am glad you're Ok.
Oh Kat, I'm so sorry you fell and got hurt and sorry you don't have the spousal support you deserve. Just know that whenever you need virtual hugs and words of encouragement, I'll have plenty for you.
*hugs* my friend.
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