Warning: This post is a bitchfest, proceed at your own risk!
Aggravated: More than frustrated, but not quite pissed off.
This is where I'm at right now. And not about one particular thing, about everything all together. I'm being pulled so many different ways and facing so many contradictions at the moment that I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I have a part time job now. At a small clothing store. I've been in once for paperwork and goofy videos, tomorrow I go in for my first official shift, 9-2. Saturday I have to work 1-close which is roughly 10:30ish. So I spend about 6 hours at school two days a week, plus the online class, and homework. I will work part time two-three days a week. And I am taking care of my kids pretty much by myself other than my mother who watches them while I work.
But I have nothing to complain about. Everything is my own fault or part my fault or something like that. Not sure quite how, but that's what I've been told. I've been wanting to go back to school for five years, and now that I am I feel I can't give it my best because I'm being pulled in so many directions.
If I can just make it through the end of the year, I'll be ok. Isn't that a song or something? "If we make it through December" A country song, I should look that up.
Do you know what would be super nice? To go out. With an adult and do, anything. Eat, see a movie, socialize, be touched by someone other than children with sticky hands, make out in a backseat or something. Wait, I think I got off my train of thought. But that's a good train of thought too. Unfortunatly it leads right back to FRUSTRATION. *sigh*
Did I mention I have a cold?
Ok, I'm done bitching, or whining, or whatever you want to call it. But I warned you at the beginning! If you didn't believe me, well that's your problem.
8 comments:
I hear you, Kat.
The only thing I suggest is not to look at your "faults" so much as understanding that you've made a series of choices. Our society is always on such a blamefest, especially with mothers, more particularly with single moms or any mom who is not a SAHM, and then we even get upset with SAHMs for some reason. gah.
I don't believe anything is at fault anymore, except that San Andreas problem they have in CA ;) You've done perfectly fine. This is not an easy choice - raising two daughters and going to school and working a part-time job. It takes a lot of work and leaves you with a lot of lonely time, especially with a cold!
enough of my diatribe ;) I hope you feel better soon!
I've often been told that things are my fault. Most of those things had nothing to do with me though. I hope things start getting better for you. :)
I hope you are feeling better today:}
I will say I like your thinking on the backseat thing:-}
I'd go out with you, but we'd have to keep our hands to ourselves. ;-) Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great and setting a great example for your girls!
((hugs)).. i would help you if i lived there... and if i had a minute to do anything right now! GAH! hehe. Still, i will think of ways to abduct you :)
Transitions are always the hardest...and starting up with school again and a new job are transitions - on top of everything else you have. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. And feel better soon!
Awh Kat..you just have a lot on your plate right now. Its okay to be frustrated and its really okay to let it out.
I hope that things get more peaceful for you..and that the cold goes away.
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