Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings

The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

4 comments:

Tamarai said...

You know, those are probably the warnings people would be more inclined to follow.


word verif. word: ttoonpen

Anonymous said...

Consumption of alcohol makes you think that you and technology are a good mix. At least if you're me.

Miz BoheMia said...

Ha, ha, haaa! I love #6... although I thought it was more like couch burn on the nose... yeah, hard scab to explain away I am afraid! ;-P

Rae Ann said...

Funny! Unfortunately, some of us don't need alcohol to do some of those things. ;-)